Tales from the Cutty Sark: Stephen
What the hell did she expect he wasn’t a monk? She was the one who had buggered off to India for four months then had stayed for six, so why was she so upset at him!
“Am I right or am I right mate?” Cameron showboated.
“You’re a right pain in the neck mate,” said Stephen.
Each night they had been down the pub in the last two weeks, the conversation had been the same. It was largely one sided. Mind you all conversations with Cam tended to be one sided.
Giving advice wasn’t why Stephen was there anyway; he was there to listen to his friend’s rants about his fiance, Heather. Then report back to his wife, Clair. Clair would then report to Heather. Cameron knew this and really liked the arrangement, as it meant he wasn’t taking the heat, and he knew that Stephen would put things much better than he would. Stephen was not so happy with the arrangement.
Deep down it wasn’t in Stephen’s heart to close the gulf between his best friend and Heather. Only three people in the world thought Cam and Heather made a good couple: Cam, Heather and Clair. Clair wanted her friend Heather to be married and settled like her. The fact that Heather was going to marry her husband’s best friend, Cameron, was perfect. As far as Stephen was concerned, Cam and Heather were simply delusional when in each other’s company and they filled their time together with too many saccharine filled moments for people in their thirties.
It was a train wreck, a predictable train wreck and he couldn’t even get annoyed at Cam for breaking his promise, not so much the one to Heather but the one to him. On ‘Grove Road Boys’, honour he had promised not to chase other women when he got engaged. It had been in this pub, at this table, that Stephen extracted the promise. But he knew Cam too well.
“That’s last orders, same again?” asked Cam.
“Yes, but, no”
“That barmaid’s a bit tasty,” cut in Cam.
Stephen knew this was his entire fault. If only he had said no to Clair when she had suggested setting their lovelorn friends up in the first place. For this heinous crime he was being made to pay. All the forces of the universe were now punishing him. Even the Cutty Sark, his sanctuary, was punishing him in the shape of the new barmaid who insisted on putting a slice of lemon in his single malt.
Cam returned from the bar with last orders.
“I got the barmaid’s mobile number!” beamed Cam.
“Oh no!” groaned Stephen.
Cam put the single malt with ice and slice in front of Stephen.
“Give me strength!” sighed Stephen.
“Hi Stephen, so this is where you spend all your time!” Heather frowned.
Stephen cast his eyes around the pub, “Yes, the old place has seen better days.”
“Is the guy at the end of the bar still alive?” asked Heather.
“Dougie, sure, he always looks that way,” said Stephen.
Stephen wanted to be anywhere in the world apart from here. Swimming in the shark tank at Ocean World with a bad nosebleed would be preferable to this. Clair had been called away on business so it had fallen to him to report back to Heather on his meeting with Cam two nights before.
Stephen frowned down at his pint of lager; he was playing it safe tonight.
“So what did Cameron have to say for himself?” enquired Heather.
“The same as every other time, I am sorry Heather,” said Stephen.
Clair had coached Stephen last night in a telephone call that had lasted two hours. Clair drilled into him what to say, what not to say and the touchstones to look out for. Ultimately, however, Heather was not to leave the pub thinking that her and Cam had a future.
Clair knew that the project was over. She had honestly thought that Heather and Cameron had promise as a couple, she knew Cameron wasn’t perfect but she had thought he would settle down as Stephen had done. Stephen had pointed out he was never like Cam.
Heather looked up at the smoke stained ceiling, “Is he still going on about not being a monk?”
“Yes, Clair calls him Friar Tuck now,” Stephen smiled.
Heather laughed. Cameron had the waist for the part.
Heather started to give her side of the story, even though Stephen could have recited it himself.
It had only been a month extra she had been away. Cameron knew she had been ill for three weeks of the first month, after eating “that stupid salad!” All she had done was stay a few extra weeks to make up. There was the trouble in the Gulf that had disrupted all the air travel and had delayed her a further week. He was so low he was twisting the calendar to try and make it her fault.
He still thought his crime against their relationship was the same as her going away on a trip she had dreamed of all her life.
Stephen looked up from the dregs at the bottom of his glass and saw the barmaid, for the briefest moment an evil thought entered Stephen’s mind. Just tell Heather the fact that Cam had been on a date with the barmaid the night before. He reckoned he would have just enough time to reach cover behind the rubber plant in the corner before all hell broke loose. But he knew he wasn’t that guy.
“It’s over isn’t it?” Heather looked down at the beer stained table.
“I’m Sorry Heather, he may be my best mate but he is not worthy of you,” Stephen looked at Heather and hoped she wouldn’t start crying.
Stephen knew that Cam was just an ego with a dick and an inability to control either. Maybe Clair was right and it was time for him to make the break with his oldest friend.
Stephen could see that all of Heather’s fury and anger of the last two weeks had burnt itself out, a pain had taken its place, deep, dull and throbbing.
Heather started to talk about the wedding plans they had made before her trip and all the letters she had sent Cameron from India.
Stephen’s mobile phone rang.
‘Hi love.’
‘Yes, things are going fine.’
‘Yes.’
‘Yes.’
‘No.’
‘We’ve passed that point.’
‘Yes.’
‘Have you thought about what I said?’
‘Okay, we’ll talk more when you get back’
Stephen closed the mobile and put it back in his jacket pocket.
‘Clair checking on progress?’ asked Heather.
‘Yes, that was a surprise wasn’t it’ smiled Stephen.
Heather looked straight into Stephen’s eyes, he was somewhere else.
‘I’ve been really selfish, haven’t I,’ Heather frowned.
Stephen didn’t respond.
‘How are things with you and Clair?’ Heather tilted her head.
‘I can’t decide if this stuff between you and Cam has moved us closer or further apart.’
Stephen’s stark honesty drowned out the sound of the pub and they both looked down at their empty glasses.
“Fancy another drink before I walk you home?” He was looking for an escape.
“Yes please, ” She looked over at the bar and saw the barmaid.
“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” said Heather.
“Not you as well!” thought Stephen.
“She’s the type Cameron goes for,” Heather looked straight at Stephen.
“I guess.” Stephen rose from his chair. “I’ll get those drinks.”
It had been two weeks since Stephen had put the final nail in Heather’s hopes of reconciliation with Cam. Everyone involved had been keeping a distance from each other, just letting the dust settle.
It was the first time Stephen had been able to face the Cutty Sark. In a strange way he felt as if the place had been defiled.
The pub was almost empty; Dougie wasn’t sitting on his stool at the end of the bar. Dougie hadn’t even left that stool when the kitchen had caught fire, something was wrong. He looked around and spotted Dougie sitting or was it hiding in the far corner by the rubber plant. Stephen got a pint and went over to join him.
“Hi Dougie, what’s up? ” asked Stephen.
“Bad trouble Step, bad trouble,” whispered Dougie.
Dougie never looked well, but as he related the story he looked six weeks dead rather than the usual two.
The landlady’s daughter, who was in her second year at University, had run off with some bloke almost ten years her senior. Kate, the landlady, was incandescent and had already fired a member of staff over some stupid mix up. Inside Stephen breathed a sigh of relief; it had to be ‘Useless’ the barmaid, the one Cam had the date with. He would feel sorry for the girl later, but for just now he could sense the pub becoming its old welcoming self again.
“Wait until I tell you the best rumours, Step my mate,” said Dougie.
Stephen waited for Dougie to tell him, then realise that Dougie’s glass was empty.
“Same again?”
“Cheers, Step mate.”
The two bar staff were jumpy; this was not a happy ship.
On Stephen’s return Dougie gave him the run down of the top three rumours. The first was that Kate’s daughter; Dougie couldn’t remember her name, had flown off to Las Vegas and got married to this older guy. The second was that she was pregnant by the guy and had dropped out of University. Kate was furious after all the money she had laid out on fees and the rest. The third was that the guy she was now shacked up with had had an affair with Kate a couple of years back.
“So which one do you think is true?” enquired Stephen.
“Now Step as you know I am a drinking man, not a gambling man so”
He paused for a sip of beer.
“I would put my money on it being combination of all three.” said Dougie
Stephen reflected for a moment. He thought his life had become complicated by the whole Cam and Heather thing. Poor Kate must be going through hell if only half of what Dougie was saying was correct. It was no wonder the bar staff were jumpy.
“I am thinking of drinking in the Lion for a while,” Dougie shot a nervous look around the pub.
“Do you think things are that bad here?” asked Stephen.
“Yeah and old Rob died a couple of weeks back so I thought” Dougie paused.
“You’d fill the vacancy?” said Stephen
“Yeah” said Dougie.
God things must be bad, Stephen knew it would take an atom bomb to get him to frequent another pub. What would it take for Dougie!
“You would have met Kate’s daughter!” said Dougie.
“When?” Stephen said.
“She was working in here the last few weeks, a pretty thing, didn’t know the first thing about bar work.” said Dougie.
Stephen saw an atomic bomb like the ones you see in old Black & White films. It had a timer that was almost out of time and painted on the side was Cam’s face.
Dougie took the last gulp of beer from his glass and moved it to the centre of the table.
“Same again?” asked Stephen.
“I never say no,” smiled Dougie.
“Why don’t we try one down the Lion?” said Stephen.